Stream of Consciousness: June ’18

Planning our through hike of the Colorado trail takes up all of my free time. As if I had much to begin with. My days are a whirlwind of thoughts, a massive conglomeration of conflicting emotions and actions. I’m constantly stressing over work, which is proving to be a completely different deal than I was led to believe. I’m constantly distracted from stressing over work – a thriving personal relationship leaves me spinning and breathless, recklessly in love. Family life is spinning madly – there has been a death, a horrific incident and the loss of a beloved family pet, my mother will soon be in surgery, and yet more strenuous – recovery.

Constant. Constant. Constant.

I never feel like I am getting anything done.

I can remove myself and look at the facts, I can look at the data right in front of me and say, “Yes this person is making leaps, and bounds, this person is running towards their destiny and seems to have hit a stride with no stumbles. Look at these plans! Look at them, they make sense, a month out, two months out, three months – she has every day of a 30 day through-hike plotted out into a spreadsheet, five months out, look at these financial solutions, six months out, seven, eight, nine, this is foolproof. A year, and still, a plan, a feasible one, and constant progress, clearly this person can make all of these goals, clearly they know this!”

But I don’t. Its incredible, in the middle of it.

I feel like every five steps I take a stumble, hit the pavement and think, “Goddamnit, not again,” as my face grinds into gravel. And there is numbness where the flesh has ground off, little pebbles falling out, and stinging all around it, and I trudge forward again, spitting blood and cussing in disbelief – I spent too much time skidding there on the ground, and how did I not see that obstacle? How did I just keep running headlong towards it? I planned this route, it was smart, it avoided these bumps, yet somehow they found me. Fuck it. Re plan, re route, go around all the others. And bam. Face down again, cussing, and mad.

Yet forward I go and I may feel like I’m drowning the whole way but there isn’t a soul to keep me from gulping down oxygen.

And I have more support than ever. More love surrounding me on all sides. More opportunity. More everything. I’ve put myself here, I have found these people and the opportunities and I’m damn proud of it, but I still struggle feeling like I haven’t done enough. I never do enough. At least it is true in one place – here on this blog I definitely don’t do much anymore.

My peace of mind thanks me for it.

I once had designs to make this space profitable. But I can’t pretend I give that many shits about building an online presence. I want to exist where I exist – in real time, not worried constantly about posting to instagram at exactly 6 pm with 29 curated hashtags, pinning a mininmum of 5 quality pins strategically throughout the day, to facebook once a day, spinning out a quality piece and sharing every intricate detail of my personal life every single week, meeting a reliable deadline – driving that traffic and staging my entire life around my tiny piece of the internet.

My tiny piece of the internet.

This is they key thought. I hope that anybody visiting here can benefit from what I write.

I hope that lots of people see cool things or an inspired by any bit of anything I post.

But I’m not going out of my way to fit into the profitable blog agenda. I thought I’d come back again to full speed here, but it just doesn’t make sense.

My life is better spent outside,

playing fetch with Charlie, who limps everyday now instead of just when he is exhausted. With Morgan, who delights me with her shenanigans. With Leroy, who wants only so many scritches. With my love, who holds my gaze so steadily, and seals his wishes for the future into kisses all over my face. With my friends, overcoming every bit of struggle together.

And at work, where I take my hands and elbows and show people that I can help them fix their dysfunctions, slowly take away their pain, and improve their lives.

Oh yeah, did I mention I landed a room in a new regenerative medicine clinic? Its called Revive of Colorado, and I could not be more jazzed about this place. Revive offers Stem Cell therapies, PRP therapies, Bioidentical hormone therapies,trigger point injections, and more – combining what they have to offer with what I have to offer (medical massage, and therapeutic bodywork) is not just an incredible opportunity for myself, and for our shared clients, but also for preventative, “alternative”, and holistic health in general. Check out my page there!

It was an incredible turn of luck that brought me to Revive, and so far one of the best things to come out of running this blog.

Last year I was seeking folks who had hiked the CT to write about their experience for me, like in this post here. I was put into contact with a woman who showed interest, but was finishing up her masters at the time, and I didn’t pursue the piece. Fast forward, I have graduated school and am launching a new career, and begin to see advertisements for this up and coming clinic in Colorado Springs, offering cutting edge medicine. This business looks exciting to me, and I realized this woman had something to do with it. I reached out seeking to establish a referral relationship, and it snowballed from there. Now I work in an incredible (dog friendly!) space with a great team of people, and the potential here is unbelievable to me. What an incredible opportunity. I could not be more grateful. I’m VERY excited to watch both of our business grow.

In August, my close acquaintance and I will depart on our 30 day through-hike of the Colorado trail.

Soon I will have a completed gear list- this I will re-post after the hike to compare what I think of all of the pieces after they stand the test of a month in use. We are currently still seeking support and donations to go towards a Freeze dryer in order to make our own food – to feed ourselves well instead of insulting our bodies with flour tortillas and snickers bars to keep up calories for 30 days. The freeze dryer is also something I plan to write about here, as well as use to make ‘trail angel’ contributions to other hikers.

This year holds an incredible amount of potential.

As always, I’ll be doing everything I can to maximize every opportunity I can latch on to. Soon I hope to be able to make more happen in life, like visiting friends I always mean to see (that’s to you Diana!) but for now, I’ll try and keep updates more or less frequent here with these ‘stream of consciousness’ submissions.

Thank you all for your support

Now, for the disclaimer – I am not a vet, adventure guide, personal trainer, doctor, nutritionist, or medical authority, this is meant to be only a source of information and inspiration, implementing these techniques into your daily life is something you do of your own free will and at your own risk.